Sara Khan/13th April, 2018
Dissatisfaction of several things switches on the mode of the complaining attitude in your life. You may stay in the denial mode that you do not complain about the things or people or the life you are living right now. But the people close to you, either your friends or family, certainly know that you are in a negative state of mind. A few might have pointed too. Yet you choose to stay in denial.
Constantly cribbing about your life is just an excuse that you are telling your mind and soul that you are not happy. You want to be happy. Isn’t it? When you see others smile, you feel their happiness. When you see someone walking or jogging, you feel they are fit and healthy. When you find someone is on a trip with their family, you feel the radiance of being together. When you see someone going to the office, you see them financially stable.
You read the above lines right? If you didn’t read carefully, go through them again. Did you get a picture of the ‘always smiling’ woman next door or maybe the jogger you had seen at the park or your friend’s family picture on Facebook? How did you feel? Are you at peace when you see such people? Do you silently wish them a good and happy life? If you do, then this article isn’t for you.
But... if you start comparing your life with them, if you start thinking “I wish”, if you compare their family with yours, you are not at peace. Yes, you aren’t!
I’m sharing a short story to give you a clear picture of how the complaining attitude makes your condition more vulnerable.
Roshni (name changed) lives with her two sons and her husband. They got a new house. While her husband is at the office, she prefers to do all the work involving house decor and the maintenance works herself. Recently, I met her; I had known her for a few years now. Here’s a glimpse of our talks.
Me: Hey, How are you doing?
Roshni: I’m good. How are you?
Me: I’m good, Alhamdullilah. How is it going at home? Settled?
Roshni: Not yet. You know I have to do everything on my own. No one helps. It’s as if I am the only member who is concerned, rest are busy in their work.
Me: But you chose to do everything on your own, right?
Roshni: Yeah, I did. (After a pause) It’s getting so hot outside. I tell my sons not to go anywhere. How can one go in such hot weather?
Me: Yeah, it’s summer. Slowly, the temperature will soar.
Roshni: (Repeating) it’s really hot. How can one go outside? I have put all my work to halt you know.
Me: Yeah, yet people who have to earn bread cannot give up on soaring heat.
Roshni: Yes, they can’t. I wonder how one can go outside in such weather. See the tanned skin I got. I am not going outside in day now.
Me: You should be glad and be thankful that at least you are getting the sunlight, a good source of Vitamin D!
**changes topic towards kids.
Roshni: I love playing with her (taking my niece in her arms). She is so lean and thin that I can easily take her in my arms. My both the sons were so healthy that my arms would pain. I’m not telling lie, you know. They really were heavy...
And the talks went on. I was too tired and in no mood to counter her. I just listened and said ‘hmm’ occasionally.
Like Roshni, there might be many people. YOU may be one of them too, who has a hidden anger towards a person or a thing, or something you faced in past which still you consider as unjust. You wanted to achieve something but some life obstacles caused hindrance. You might have wanted to hold onto something so dearly but couldn’t. All or some of these things, mentioned, had a bad effect on your mind. Instead of being thankful to the present life, you start complaining. You do not see the pleasures of having things and people with you right now.
It is scientifically proven, that if you are continuously complaining or listening to other person’s complaints without taking a break for, say, an hour, your brain stops to work and shuts down itself to any kind of good and productive ideas.
It’s obvious; we all have issues, our fair shares of ups and downs in life. These moments should be counted as learning experiences and not an excuse to the past incidents that had happened. You should realise this attitude of yours will lead towards negativity. To overcome such a negative attitude of yours, I suggest you to identify your anger first with or on someone or something, acknowledge it.
Overcome this obstacle by rewarding yourself with stars when you spend a complain-free day and earn badges for being grateful on what you receive.
Diagnose this yourself and work towards it. Once you shun this habit and start to acknowledge on what all you have, your strength and maturity will level up.
Always remember, complaining is not a solution, being thankful is!
About the Author:
Sara Khan is an Indian writer and author. She holds a Masters in Journalism and Mass Communication and has been associated with online media since 2011. She began her writing career in early 2008. She enjoys sharing her observations on the different aspects of life through her writings. Her writings are more focused towards the betterment of women.
In an effort to help and support the married women going through a lot of stress during separation and divorce process she wrote her first How To Book, Separated!
How to Create Positive Change in 21 Days is her second book where she shares her experience on how getting up early in the morning, i.e., at 4 am, transformed her goals into reality and made her a stronger person.